Performance

ALEXA // SHEILA mounted live performances of "MILK: what will you make of me" at Galerie Ivo Kamm in Zurich, Switzerland on August 30 and September 1, 2012.​

The monologue below is a collage of original writings and found texts, re-constructed by Sheila to explore the process of transforming from performer to painting and the relationship that is born between the artist and her work.​ It was composed and performed for the live shows in Zurich at Galerie Ivo Kamm. 

what will you make of me?​​

the first step in transformation is to erase oneself.
identity is a disease.
and today i prefer to blend in with my canvas.
i am tired.
there's a leak in my rowboat 
and i'm ready to sink.

the other night, i couldn't bring myself to sleep in the precious heat of the Zurich twilight.
i said a prayer for the poets that came before me and took my notebook into the bathroom light.
i was pleased not to recognize my own face in the mirror.
whoever this girl was,
she had welcoming eyes,
and i felt a great sadness that I couldn't reach out to hold her.
between me and her,

there was a disturbing divide.
and between me and you,

there is a disturbing divide.​​

i am disappearing into that space between us.

but the first step of transformation is to erase oneself.
identity is a disease.
and today, i prefer to blend in with my canvas.

i can feel myself
inside this second layer of skin.
not me, but a symbol of me.
plasticized by plastic paint.

i trust my eyes, but i cannot feel the air around me.

i'm a vacuum of space,
a blank slate, a wild nothing.

all that you see is a reflection of your own knowledge.
so who am i, according to you?

i am not myself.
i am somebody else standing next to me.
desperate for my own attention,

demanding to be destroyed.

and you?

what do you see inside that canvas?
staring into your dreams.

lean in close and your subject emerges.
a figure forms,
floating on the picture plane.

who am i, according to you?
and what will you make of me?

a bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.

turn around to see how far you've come
and sing your song to me.

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